The Chuck Chronicles

It has been a long, long, long week. And it is only Wednesday. We decided to move Elsie into Charlie’s room. It is going to have to happen eventually, why not do it now? Elsie doesn’t nap often during the day so bedtime is usually such a breeze with her. As long as Charlie has her crib, she is generally easy, too. The first night together they were both so exhausted they fell right asleep. I thought score, this is going to be so much easier than I predicted. Night 2 I was certain it was going to be just as easy. Wrong. Always so wrong. Elsie, of course, went in there prepared for bed. Not Chuck. Having her sister in there is fun. Because they play all day, so why not all night, too? As my poor, sweet Elsie is just trying to catch some zzz’s, Charlie is at the edge of the crib at the top of her lungs screaming, WAKE UP. E. WAKE UP. WAKE UP. Not just for five or ten minutes. A whole fucking hour of her jumping and squealing and screaming at her poor sister. And you cannot silence the Chuck. We have tried. It is a waiting game until she is ready to shut up. The only thing in my favor has been Elsie. Who has been patient. And rolls her eyes. And waits for the Chucknado to stop. Two more days this went on. I almost gave up. But tonight. It has been pure silence. It’s been a day, so I am so happy for this silence.

So also among this change is the beginning of potty training. I have been putting it off for a long time now, but she’s more than ready. And things can’t just come easy in our chaotic household. As I said, she’s been ready. She tells me when she poops, she tells me when she pees. Perfect. Now do it on the fucking potty. She loves to sit on the potty. This is going to be a cinch. No, no. She loves to sit on the potty and pretend to push out some pee. And maybe a fart here and there. But she will not sit there for more than a second without jumping off. I mean, I seriously think I am going to have to duct tape her to the toilet to get her to go just once in it.

She takes off her diaper every time she goes, too. Pee and poop. She gives no fucks. She just whips off her diaper, tells me she did her business and runs off. No! That’s not how it is done! So my mom is all like, let’s put her in Frozen underwear. She loves Frozen! Turns out she doesn’t love it enough to keep her from pissing in those, too. So next solution is letting her go commando. That worked for Elsie. Not Chuck. She pees on her Barbies and just keeps playing. “I pee, Mama. I pee.”

NO! NO! NO!

So tonight, she hands me her diaper and tells me ‘she poo.’ But wait, what? She’s handing me an empty diaper. Did she get confused? Why is it empty… squuiiiissshh…. whhhaaaaattt theee fuuuuccckk. Yep, eyes up to a wailing Elsie that she just stepped in Charlie’s poop. And that is horrifying to my four year old. And Anisten is on her way fast to check out this situation. So what do I do? Do I throw Elsie in the tub and risk Ani making it to the poop before I get back? No way. I sat a hysterical Elsie on her butt, threw Ani in her high chair, then did the tub run. And it takes a long time to explain to Elsie how Charlie didn’t mean to throw her poop on the floor. Because Elsie does NOT like Charlie right now. She wants her to live somewhere else. And honestly, I am trying hard not to have those same thoughts.

I’m going to miss this one day, I’m going to miss this one day, I’m going to miss this one day.

Charlie took the lid off to the glue. Aidan is not impressed.

Charlie thrilled with herself for clogging the drain with all of my earrings and over flowing the bathroom sink.

My second glass of wine